Thoughts on Faith.

I'm not too sure where to begin...there is so much that has been on my heart that I suppose any place will do.
 Forgive me if I start to ramble.

I believe.
Simple statement, right?
With every fiber of my being...I am a true believer of Jesus Christ.

I pray.
Each and every day...with my children. Alone. Out loud. Silently. Sometimes I get down on my knees. Other times I look to the heavens and just have myself a little conversation with the Lord.

Now I need to admit something. Before Easter Sunday, I had not been in a church in over 6 months.
I have your standard list of excuses:
 I'm busy.
It's difficult with a baby who naps in the morning.
Brett and I differ on where to worship.
We prefer jammies on the weekends.
The house looks like a toy tornado swept through.
Etc.

UGH.

And while I feel that it is important to have a personal relationship with the Lord on a regular basis, by not going to church I feel like I keep blowing off a friend who has invited me over. Every Sunday there is this invitation, and I can't seem to rsvp. It feels for lack of a better word...rude. 

 But the beauty of the Lord is that His invitation is always an open one. He doesn't close His doors.

Case and point: They were wide open this past weekend when we strolled in with our two kids.
Phew.
 He hasn't locked us out.
We are welcome.
You are welcome.
Anytime. Any day.

And ya know how it felt to be in church on Sunday?
Like a home away from home.
The fear that I would all of a sudden feel out of place, judged, shunned...it disappeared.
Instead the fear was replaced by His love.
It is constant and unconditional.
And I have missed it. Like crazy.

It didn't matter that this wasn't "my" church. Didn't matter that I struggled with remembering hymns, responses, prayers. All that mattered during that hour, was that we were there. In HIS presence.

I'm not entirely sure what I set out to accomplish by writing this post...all I know is that there has been this tugging on my heart lately, this voice saying "this isn't going to fill that void Kristin" and by stepping through that door this past weekend- I was sure that it was the Lord speaking to me. Bringing me to Him. He knows my heart. My desires. Fears. Struggles...He knows it all, and He had been telling me that all I needed to do was just come to Him. Bring it all to Him for He is the only one that can truly bring me peace.

All I need to do is trust in Him.

So maybe by writing this, I am trying to hold myself accountable. Publicly declare that I will do better to trust His plan for me. I need to stop trying to fill this void with material things and instead- let His love make me whole. I know I will make mistakes. I know that I probably won't be in church every Sunday.  But what is more- I KNOW that he will forgive. I am not perfect, but I am slowly learning that I am not expected to be.

He loves me despite my imperfections.
Just as I love my children.
Just as He loves them.

And I promise to make sure they see His love through my actions...that they come to know Him through me.

I promise.

Easter Sunday via my Instagram (follow at bsmama318):

~Kris